Against All Odds
by Mako Headrush
Summary: Jasper must pick up the pieces after Alice is killed by one of Victoria's minions, and embarks upon a journey of self-discovery as he grieves for his lost love. Takes place post-BD, rated M due to some language and non-graphic violence. No romantic pairngs yet - for now, this is Jasper's story.


**Here we go, my first Twilight fic. I've been RPing Jasper recently, and he's been a really enjoyable character to write. I hope you all enjoy this!**

**Summary: Jasper has to pick up the pieces after Alice is killed by one of Victoria's minions. Takes place post-BD.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the characters therein, I just like to play with them. This is written for fun and not profit.**

**Rated M for some violence and language.**

* * *

The snow was coming down fast and hard in giant, swirling snowflakes and there I sat, on the back deck of our house in Forks. Of course, the cold did not bother me, nor any of us; and the snow began to accumulate in thick clumps all over my woolen cloak - charcoal grey, carefully selected by Alice, of course, who had taken such joy in choosing my wardrobe for me, as she did with all of us.

_Alice_. Gone, just like that - what good was immortality, if I was to endure it without her? I felt lost, hopeless. My family had done their best to comfort me since her death, of course; even now, as Carlisle gazed upon me through the floor-to-ceiling glass windows, his expression one of great concern, I felt this invisible wall sprouting up between myself and them.

Alone. Edward had Bella, Rosalie had Emmett, Carlisle had Esme - and I had nobody. Renesmee was growing each day, turning into a lovely young woman; something I wish Alice had been there to see. How she'd loved that girl, much like the younger sister she'd always wanted.

_It's okay, Jasper. I know. I know how much you miss her, I do too. _I turned, hearing Renesmee's thoughts just as I felt her hand fall upon my arm. There she stood just behind me, a knit cap covering her soft waves of brown hair, fluffy snowflakes already accumulating on the pom-pom topping the cap. I turned to face Renesmee and smiled.

"Not nice to go sneaking up on people like that, now is it?" I said to her, attempting a smile that did not quite reach my eyes.

"You _knew_ I was there," Renesmee said, sticking out her tongue playfully. She caught a snowflake on the tip of it, and grinned.

"How's it taste?" I asked her, folding my arms and leaning back against the deck railing.

"Like winter," Renesmee replied. The grin fell from her face and she frowned, letting her hand fall from my arm. _Jasper. You're leaving us._ The unspoken thought was hardly accusatory, and the girl was right. I'd decided to leave the safety and comfort of my family - why I'd decided that, I had yet to learn. Lord knows that my years alone, those years before I met Alice, were a vast wasteland of fear, aggression, and self-loathing, hating the thing I'd become.

"I am," I told Renesmee simply, and honestly - what would the use be in lying, after all? "I need to find my way. Perhaps that will lead me back here again one day...but I don't know." I shook my head, my hair now wet and plastered to my skull, rivulets of water flinging themselves about as I did so.

"Your hair will freeze if you stay out here too long," Renesmee said, tugging on my arm. "Come inside...at least say goodbye?"

I looked at Renesmee, her face smiling but still strangely sad. I would miss her too - I would miss _all_ of my family, but the pain in my heart, the aching loneliness inside was something I needed to fix. The road called to me, and something was telling me I needed to leave soon, though I had no idea yet where I'd end up.

"Of course I'll say goodbye," I replied. Looking up, I saw my family gathered inside, all standing together just looking at me. Bella was crying; Edward had an arm around her comfortingly. Even Rosalie looked a mite upset, I noted, grinning to myself. I let myself be dragged back into the house by Renesmee, and Emmett instantly grabbed me in a bear hug.

"Damn it, Jazz," Emmett muttered, lifting me off the ground. "Where you gonna go, huh? Who am I going to harass now?"

"Put him down, you big lug," Rosalie interjected, her face sad despite her teasing tone.

"I'm sure you'll find someone else to bother, Emmett," I told my brother, wriggling in his grasp. As Emmett released me, I punched him in the shoulder. "Arm wrestle before I go?"

"Not on my good table, boys," Esme cautioned. She gave me a somewhat wearied smile, and opened her arms, gathering me in a hug.

I could hear Alice's voice in my head, urging us all to have a group hug. "Mama," I murmured, burying my face in Esme's hair. "I love you...love you all. I'll never forget what you've done for me - "

"Stop talking like this is the end!" Bella interrupted, her eyes full of tears. I smiled at her, my sister-in-law, and extended an arm to her, hugging her to my side.

"I confess, I don't know when I'll be back," I told Bella, attempting to smile. _Or if I'll be back. _I didn't say it out loud, but Edward knew, and gave me a look. "The road's a-callin' me, Bella. I need to find myself again." _Finding myself._ It sounded like some catch phrase from a self-help book, and honestly, I had no idea what the hell I was looking for anyway. As much as I loved my family, I wanted to finish my grieving alone. Grieving for my love, my Alice.

"Anything you need, son, before you leave - it's yours, of course. Just let us know," Carlisle said, stepping in. He placed a hand on my shoulder and looked down at me, his expression curiously devoid of the worry that lined the face of the others. He knew I'd be all right, I guess.

"I'm all set financially, Carlisle," I told my father. _Father_. He and Esme, they really _were_ like parents to me, after all these years. Of course, that had been the cover story we'd lived with for so long, moving from place to place. But how easily we fell into those roles, as father and son, brothers and sister. _And wife_...my sweet Alice. My eyes traveled over to the mantel over the fireplace, an eight-by-ten photo of the two of us still there. She sat behind me, her arms resting around my neck, our cheeks touching. Just looking at our picture, I swore I could feel her skin against mine, just for a split second. My eyes swam for a moment, until I forced myself to look away.

"I am reminded too much of her here," I finally admitted, wiping my eyes, and looking up, met Edward's concerned gaze. _I'll be all right, brother._

"I worry about you, Jasper," Edward told me. "You feel things so deeply. "

"Don't worry about me, damn it," I replied, trying to sound lighthearted, and feeling anything but. "I'll be back one day when you least expect it." _Maybe_. Another look from Edward. _Don't tell Bella, let her think I'll someday return, even if I don't. This is hard for her._

I hugged Bella again, then my parents and siblings, then Renesmee, saying my final good-byes. I'd already packed a small bag of clothing - all hand-selected by Alice - to bring with me, and gazed back at my loving family. I would miss them, that I knew.

"I'll be in touch," were the last words I said as I left our house, not even knowing if I'd keep to that promise. I couldn't look at one more thing in that home; Alice's touch was obvious in all of the decor, and her scent lingered everywhere. Some find comfort in those small reminders of the ones they love, but not I. I needed to be away from it, at least for a while.

I stepped outside; the snowfall had stopped, but covered the ground thickly still, my boots crunching through. I headed east; perhaps I'd go back to Texas, once my home. Or would the bad memories that lingered there drive me back into myself? Maria. Polar opposite of Alice, really. I'd gone from the dark into the light when I met Alice, and now - that light was snuffed out. Would I ever find such a light again? I wondered. I doubted it very much; Alice was Alice, and there was only one. I was certain I'd never love again, not after losing one such as her.

* * *

_The day that Alice died, I shall of course never forget. She'd just decorated the house for Christmas in her usual style - no detail left unnoticed - and we'd gone out into the forest to cut down our Christmas tree, and were hauling it back to the house to decorate it._

_"Really, Alice," I'd said, teasing her about the immense size of the Fraser fir she'd selected. It had to be over twelve feet tall, and it was ridiculous. The most perfect one, she'd said. "I reckon this won't even fit in the house. Why don't I just prop this thing up against Edward's new car?"_

_"Wise ass," she'd retorted, grinning at me. A moment later, the grin fell right off her face; I knew right away something was up when I saw her smile just vanish so suddenly._

_"Someone's coming!" Alice shouted, spinning round to meet the intruder. A big, hulking brute of a vampire - bigger than Emmett, even, and a newborn to boot, was the first to strike, first going after Alice, then me. She and I skillfully dodged his attacks, but we soon saw there were more vampires coming in swarms. Another army of newborns. Who was controlling them, and where did they come from? Victoria was dead, that we knew, and so was Riley. Alice had no precognition of this attack._

_"Alice!" I shouted, as more and more newborns descended upon us. I saw Edward and the others come racing in to help - Edward having picked up upon Alice's thoughts and mine as soon as we were attacked. Carlisle was there, but wisely left Esme and Renesmee back at the house._

_"They have a shield among them," Edward shouted above the fray. "A shield, like Bella. Find the shield, and destroy whomever it is!"_

_"It's **her**!" Alice shrieked, launching herself at a small, unassuming looking vampire with short, dirty blonde hair, and sleepy looking eyes. She turned on Alice and snarled, surprised that Alice had even figured out who she was. One moment of being caught unaware, and Edward had tuned into this untrained newborn's thoughts. It was clear that her skill was not as evolved as Bella's, with Edward able to slip into her mind like that, and it was just the thing we needed, to give us that advantage. But it wouldn't be enough to save Alice._

_"Get her!" Emmett shouted, cracking the necks of newborns left and right, moving up the clearing as if he was running up a football field with the ball. Vampire football, I thought strangely._

_I launched myself at the shield, and reached out for her head just as Alice did, but the shield ducked, and Alice and I nearly crashed into each other. Then, the unthinkable. Alice's head was torn clear from her body by her attacker - the big brute who'd gone after us in the first place. I screamed with rage and flew after the bastard, and between me and Emmett we both tore him into pieces. My rage was so great that I didn't want to stop ripping, biting, tearing._

_"Jasper, the shield!" Emmett yelled, redirecting my attention to the task at hand. I couldn't think straight, knowing Alice was dead, but we had to finish the job. Now, the only one left out of this newborn army was the shield, and we needed to know who'd put this army together._

_"Who sent you!" I shouted, ready to tear her head off as well. A sick grin crept over the little bitch's face, as she spat in mine._

_"Victoria did," the girl replied, laughing madly. "You didn't get all of us last time, Major. Victoria was my mother, my maker, and now vengeance is mine - "_

_"No," I interrupted coldly. "Vengeance is **mine**, bitch." Emmett, Rosalie, Bella and Edward held her out by her limbs, restraining her, while I savaged her with my teeth, my hands ripping her apart. I didn't stop, couldn't stop, until I felt a hand fall upon my shoulder._

_"It's over, son," Carlisle said sorrowfully. I nodded, then knelt over the body of my dead wife and cried a fair bit. Her head, lying just near her shoulder, was face down in the snow; I turned it over ever so gently, looking into surprised, unseeing eyes of gold. The shock on her face was still evident, staying with her even now._

_"My Alice," I whispered, kissing her forehead. "Forevermore." I stood up, straightening out my clothing, and nodded to my siblings._

_"I can't do it," I muttered to Emmett, and placed my lighter in his hand. I knew of Alice's wishes - to be immolated, if such a fate would befall her. We'd discussed it before, never thinking one of us would actually have to put the plan into action. As much as Alice loved parties - oddly, she did not desire a wake and a funeral as humans would do. And I never really found out why she felt that way, either, but I'd promised her I'd respect her wishes._

_And here I stood, unable to do the one thing she'd asked. I failed to keep her safe, and now, I was even failing her in death. I felt shame, grief - sorrow. Emmett, of course, agreed to do the deed in my stead._

_"Don't worry about it, bro," Emmett told me, in his usual offhanded way. "Go back to the house...Edward and I will deal with this." Edward's eyes looked strange; he stopped me before I left the clearing, intending to go back to the house with the others. "Alice saved her," Edward said hoarsely. "Saved Renesmee. They were after her," he explained._

_"Oh, Jasper!" Bella gasped, sobbing as she fell into me. "Sweet, sweet, Alice. No! She can't be gone!"_

_"Then she died doing what I would know her to do, which is to defend that girl to the death," I said, trying to ease Bella's pain. "She loved Renesmee, Bella, just as if she were her own daughter, you know. We must find comfort in that." Rosalie was crying softly, and I hugged her. My own words sounded hollow and fake to me; I suppose I was saying those things, just trying to convince myself as much as anyone._

_"Rose, come on now," I said, trying to sound teasing. "Look. Your mascara will run."_

_"Shut up, stupid!" Rosalie snapped. We turned from my brothers and Carlisle, my sisters and Bella leading me back to the house._

_"Don't look back, Jasper," Rosalie whispered, squeezing my hand in her own. "Don't look back." Oddly, I thought of the Bible, and the tale of Sodom and Gomorrah. If I look back now, what will Alice turn into? A pillar of fire instead of the pillar of salt. What did it matter? I didn't have to look back; I heard the whoosh of the lighter, felt the heat of the flames, and smelt the burning pine, as the tree - our Christmas tree, right next to her - caught fire along with her remains._

_I went back to the house, and did not say a word for the rest of the evening. Or, for several days afterward, not until the snowstorm moved in. By the third day of the storm, when it was declared a full-on blizzard by the forecasters, I began to speak again. And the next day was when I decided that I needed to leave. I couldn't be here anymore; the idea of leaving my family hurt, but staying in that house one more minute would hurt even more._

* * *

As I left my home, trudging through the forest, the sun began to peek out from behind the clouds. I saw a mountain lion on a peak far in the distance, and my mouth began to water, I could scent its blood even from this distance. I would need to feed, and soon. Probably best to do that before I happened to meet up with any humans, though I had no desire for anyone's company right now, be it human or vampire.

I knew I'd taken the wrong path when I came back to the clearing where Alice had died; the charred remains of the massive pine tree - what was supposed to be our Christmas tree - just lying there in the snow. I knew her ashen remains were scattered there amongst the pines, the wind had already blown some away. It was an odd thing, thinking of my wife being scattered to the four corners of the globe like that. Then, I thought about it a moment, and smiled.

"We never did stay in one place very long, did we, my love," I said out loud, squinting a bit as something sparkling caught my eye amongst the pine needles on the ground. A diamond. And not just any diamond - but Alice's diamond pendant. I immediately knelt down and scooped it up, hiding it away in my pocket.

"Except here," I added, bowing my head a bit as I stared at the ground. "This was starting to feel like home, but it was you that made it so. I feel like I have to start over again. Oh God, Alice. I miss you so." I couldn't stay a moment longer; it was time to go. I bowed and touched my hat in a half-salute, taking one last look at what remained of my wife, and set out on my way.

Home was with Alice; it had been that way for well over a century, but now I had to start anew, now that she was gone. And I didn't know how that would happen, or where, but I knew that the road would take me wherever it would.

* * *

**A/N: Ack, not only am I tackling a new fandom and a new character in fan fic, I'm also writing him in first person - I almost always write my fan fics in third person, but here Jasper kind of "told" me he wanted to speak. Ha. Yeah, I must be crazy attempting this, but I do hope y'all enjoy what I've written here so far! More to come, hopefully soon, I will be busy with the holidays, but will try to update whenever I can.**


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